Doctor Satan's Diabolical Schemes Ranked
We already did an overview of the Doctor Satan series, but now we’re going to rank the master criminal's diabolical schemes. We have several criteria:
- Diabolical Scheme (the scheme itself)
- Bonus Mad Science/Magic/Powers (whatever mad science/magic/powers not directly associated with the main scheme)
- Death Fail (Doctor Satan’s attempt(s) to kill Ascott Keane)
We’ll be grading them on a scale of 1 (downright embarrassing) to 5 (evil genius). The Diabolical Scheme ranking isn’t connected to the story’s quality. This is why Beyond Death’s Gateway ranked so high, while the egregious Death Fails in both The Consuming Flame and The Devil’s Double helped lower their positions in the ranking. Expect SPOILERS.
DOCTOR SATAN
DIABOLICAL SCHEME (5/5)
Doctor Satan has genetically engineered an Australian thorn bush to flower in a couple of hours in a person’s brain. His plan is to extort wealthy businessmen by killing a couple of them with the bush to scare his next victims into submitting to his demands.
BONUS MAD SCIENCE (4/5)
Apparently, Doctor Satan is capable of transporting things through thin air. It doesn’t seem to be full-on teleportation, but it’s close.
DEATH FAIL (3/5)
Twice Doctor Satan attempts to kill Keane using an ancient Egyptian trick known as the Blue Flame that allows one to set someone/something on fire regardless of where they are by throwing bits of them in a special powder. Twice he fails. The first time, Keane got up from his chair just in time. The second time, Keane had applied a special Egyptian ointment that counteracts the special powder.
VERDICT
Good classical diabolical criminal genius scheme. More than what a regular criminal genius would do, but not so OTT crazy that it crosses the fine line separating ridiculously awesome from just ridiculous. The Death Fail(s) can be forgiven.
BEYOND DEATH’S GATEWAY
DIABOLICAL SCHEME (5/5)
Doctor Satan steals the yet unfinished antidote to a deadly gas, which temporarily kills whoever takes it and sends them to the afterlife. He uses it to get useful information from the dead and his next target is the recently deceased dictator of Texas who had a plan in place to take over the United States – a plan Doctor Satan intends to steal for himself so he can rule the world!
BONUS MAD SCIENCE (2/5)
The first dead person Doctor Satan talks to is an inventor who created a ray that kills people from afar by shrinking them, which he uses to rob a wealthy man.
DEATH FAIL (3/5)
During his confrontation with Ascott Keane in the afterlife, Doctor Satan invokes Hell and tries to get the evil souls to trap Keane, but the occult detective manages to break free thanks to a combination of his hatred for his archenemy and his secret love for his assistant, Beatrice Dale.
VERDICT
It’s good to see Doctor Satan’s megalomania finally reach the world domination phase. However, he loses major genius criminal points for not being able to come up with the shrinking death ray himself. The Death Fail can be forgiven, as it is a completely different environment.
HOLLYWOOD HORROR
DIABOLICAL SCHEME (5/5)
Doctor Satan devises a ray capable of realigning molecules thus rendering flesh invisible and giving its targets the appearance of living skeletons, which he uses to blackmail Hollywood studio heads and their biggest stars.
BONUS MAD SCIENCE (4/5)
The ray can also collapse molecules, which allows it to shrink people
DEATH FAIL (1/5)
Doctor Satan uses the ray to shrink Ascott Keane, but the occult detective manages to pull him in front of the ray, too, which then forces him to revert it, thus saving his archenemy’s life.
VERDICT
Good scheme and a nice change of scenery for our previously New York-based master criminal. However, we just can’t forgive this Death Fail – not checking whether his archenemy really is dead before leaving is a rookie villain mistake unworthy of Doctor Satan.
HORROR INSURED
DIABOLICAL SCHEME (4/5)
Doctor Satan is now in the insurance business with the Lucifex Insurance Co. The insurance he’s offering New York’s wealthiest is one against the horror of burning to death via an ancient Cretan ritual involving wax dolls.
BONUS MAGIC (4/5)
During his confrontation with Ascott Keane, Doctor Satan summons a dragon from another dimension. (Note: we’re giving this a 4 rather than a 5 because the dragon did nothing)
DEATH FAIL (1/5)
In his first attempt against his nemesis’s life, Doctor Satan tries to use wax dolls to kill Ascott Keane and Beatrice Dale, but Keane already had two protective suits made of a special ancient Cretan fabric. He then uses a wax doll of his own to kill Girse. Again. In his second attempt, Doctor Satan summons a dragon, but is defeated when Keane summons the wraiths of the three men he killed and would’ve died if they hadn’t been interrupted by the police.
VERDICT
Good to see Doctor Satan not only putting a new spin on his old blackmail scheme, but also diversifying his targets to include more wealthy people than just businessmen. We can forgive him not expecting Keane to have those special suits, but not the fact that he had no way to protect himself and his minions from his own tricks. Also, his dragon was disappointingly ineffectual.
MASK OF DEATH
DIABOLICAL SCHEME (3/5)
Doctor Satan has created a device capable of accelerating and decelerating time, which he uses to paralyse several guests at a new resort in a bid to force the owners to comply with his financial demands.
BONUS MAD POWERS (4/5)
Using his hypnotic powers, Doctor Satan is able to take control of two separate people so he can move around the resort undetected. (No, this isn’t the first time Doctor Satan uses his telepathic abilities, but since they’re such a huge part of the scheme, we decided to add them to the rating)
DEATH FAIL (4/5)
While in control of another’s body, Doctor Satan tries to sneak up on Ascott Keane as he’s debating whether to kill the prostrate body of his archenemy. However, Keane fights him, and the device goes off, locking them in a slow-motion fight.
VERDICT
It’s a very prosaic purpose for such a powerful device, though it’s nice to see Ascott Keane being forced to figure things out instead of already being prepared with some magical counter weapon. Also smart of the evil genius to take over two people. The Death Fail isn’t that bad, either. Really, the problem is the scheme itself, especially since we know Doctor Satan has much higher, world domination aspirations than just blackmailing rich people.
THE MAN WHO CHAINED THE LIGHTNING
DIABOLICAL SCHEME (3/5)
Doctor Satan kidnaps wealthy men and forces them to write cheques which are then cashed by reanimated corpses made to look like the victims thanks to a special mixture of protoplasm.
BONUS MAD SCIENCE (4/5)
Doctor Satan has also become able to harness lightnings regardless of where they strike in glass tubes, he can then use to electrocute people.
DEATH FAIL (3/5)
Doctor Satan tries to use one of the lightening tubes on Ascott Keane, but he’s secretly wearing a special armour that protects him from it.
VERDICT
This diabolical scheme is a little too over-elaborate, even for a criminal genius of Doctor Satan’s stature. (Though we do get a good dramatic confrontation when he realises that his latest victim is in fact Ascott Keane himself, who used protoplasm to disguise himself so that his archenemy would unwittingly take him to his secret lair) Also, Keane manages to trick his way into his archenemy’s secret lair again. It’s inconceivable that Doctor Satan wouldn’t have prepared for that after what happened last time.
THE DEVIL’S DOUBLE
DIABOLICAL SCHEME (4/5)
Doctor Satan extorts more wealthy men by threatening to kidnap their children and driving them mad by convincing them he’s the real Lucifer and making them his servants. He starts with siblings Jane and Harold Ivor, using them as a demonstration for his future targets.
BONUS MAD SCIENCE (2/5)
The entrance to Doctor Satan’s underground lair is guarded by a pillar of flames fed by natural gas that can be switched on and off.
DEATH FAIL (1/5)
Doctor Satan believes he has the upper hand when Ascott Keane confronts him alone in his secret lair, but Keane brought with him the Blue Death of Saint Sartius, an ancient Black Magic weapon that releases a deadly gas. To save himself, Doctor Satan is forced to sacrifice several minions, including Bostiff.
VERDICT
It’s a good original take on the usual kidnap/ransom schemes of ordinary criminals. However, Doctor Satan should be more careful with his hypnotised minions – Keane shouldn’t be able to mind-control them so easily. That he had something as lethal as the Blue Death, which came very close to killing Doctor Satan, makes this defeat even more humiliating. And he cost him a second main minion as well as several secondary minions. Worse still, it all happened in Doctor Satan’s own secret underground lair!
THE CONSUMING FLAME
DIABOLICAL SCHEME(S) (3/5)
Doctor Satan has found a way to harness and weaponize static electricity, killing his victims in a great blue flame. Naturally, he uses this to blackmail wealthy businessmen, this time from the car industry.
Doctor Satan has created a serum that can kill people and revive them as zombies with some very limited brain functions. He uses it on Beatrice Dale so she can be his beautiful and submissive (zombie) companion.
DEATH FAIL(S) (1/5)
Once more, Doctor Satan tries to kill Ascott Keane twice, and once more he fails. The first time, he attaches one of his static electricity harnessing devices to Keane’s car, but he realises what’s going on and deactivates it. The second time, he tries to kill Keane with an even bigger static electricity harnessing device, but Keane uses the first device to slow it down, which allows him to free himself and tie it to Girse instead, robbing Doctor Satan of one of his minions.
Doctor Satan kills Beatrice with the serum, but then Keane forces him to undo it before using it on him.
VERDICT
The initial blackmail scheme is pretty boring, while the opportunistic scheme with Beatrice Dale takes a turn for the seriously icky. Besides, Keane once more bests Doctor Satan with his own diabolical inventions. And now, he also cost him one of his minions. Yes, Keane made the same mistake as Doctor Satan in Hollywood Horror and didn’t wait to see if his archenemy really died, but we expected much better from an evil genius.
We end this post with a warning for readers: do NOT attempt to replicate any of these diabolical schemes. They should only be conducted by a wealthy genius master criminal with telepathic powers, well versed in ancient occult rituals, possessing great scientific knowledge in the field of mad science, and who amuses himself by masquerading as Lucifer.